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In a study conducted about jealousy, people were asked if they envy their neighbors more or Bill Gates. The study answers showed that 10 out of 11 chose their neighbors.
This does not make sense. Usually, the jealousy emotion is expected to be stronger when the person is better than you. But this is not true according to our brains.
There is an evolutionary logic behind this. The whole point of envy is to motivate you, it’s a human instinctual reaction. Briefly, people chose neighbors because they think Bill Gates is just out of their league.
If you want to know more, check the complete study; psychology of jealousy.
Signs of Jealousy
Now you may ask: what are the significant signs of jealousy and insecure people.
You can spot it very easily. You can just sense the weird vibes surrounding the envious person, but things get a little too hard when the person is hiding it under a friendly mask.
They could wish you good luck with a happy face and internally they want you to fall rather than excel.
In the aim of protecting yourself and emotions from these people, it’s very important to spot their malicious negative intents.
After knowing on how to deal with jealous people and handle their words, let’s see together the most alarming signs of jealous people.
Jealousy has different degrees and angles. It’s completely natural to find a good person with feelings of insecurity and inferiority complex being jealous towards you or the others. In the other hand, you can find a hateful person holding grudges and ill feelings for you, the intentions are clearly different.
1- Signs of Jealousy: Showing Fake Appreciation
When their expressions don’t match their body language, then they’re not really genuine about what they say to you. They might show you fake appreciation in a meeting, just because other people are doing so. They can’t just be resentful when the others are congratulating you. But body language does not lie!
2- Interrupting and Changing the Subject “Indirectly”
When you talk about your success and accomplishments, they simply cut you off and try to ignore your good deeds.
It’s a triggering act to discuss achievements in front of an envious person, that will cause an immediate reaction from them, and you will notice their insecurities kicking in.
3- Talk Trash Behind Your Back
As soon as you’re not there, they start to unleash the inner hidden feelings. If you notice someone talking nonsense behind people’s back, the chances you’re next are probably high. So keep yourself far and distanced from them.
4- Come With Aggressive Comments
A jealous person can’t show their inner feelings directly, this is why there are some signs to catch their negativity. One of them is expressing toxic comments, and everyone had encountered this before.
Now family members tend to do this act the best, they pass aggressive, toxic comments while having a happy smiley face. Although It’s hard to cut loose with them, so better ignore them.
5- Bragging and Sense of Superiority
Envious people feel intimidated and insecure when other people talk about their success. Superiority complex could be a quality of the jealous person, they need to be better and superior, whilst consequently show it by boosting their own story of success throughout ego.
So if you notice someone cutting others off, and also bragging about his achievements without backing it up by reality, he’s probably jealous.
6- Playing a Role in Your Success
That’s a funny thing actually. When people are trying to congratulate you and show some appreciation, the jealous one will try to get some credit.
They’ll make it look as if they took a major part in the story of your achievement.
“Man, I knew it all along, remember when I told you this is the way?”
“Remember when you asked me for a favor”
You’ll know and make a difference between the people who actually care for you, and the jealous ones! So don’t mix things up.
7- Ask Uncomfortable Questions and Minimize Your Progress
When you get genuine questions asking about your accomplishments, you’ll have the energy and power to easily answer them with pleasure.
In the other hand, you’ll find some people asking scrutinizing questions with the intent to make you uncomfortable, or they’ll criticize you in a negative way. Even worst, they could try to minimize your success, and eventually that will make you doubt yourself!
“You had an unfair advantage”
“That was lucky”
“I could do that in no time!”
“Seriously do you think that’s good enough?”
“Nobody thought that you could make it!”
8- Copying & Competing
They’ll copy you in anything, while they completely ignore doing that, and that’s somehow funny because it’s obvious.
They’ll buy similar things as you such as a car, house, clothes, … whatever, you name it!
You might see them badly criticising you, and then right away do the same things as you do.
9- The Last Resource: Demotivate You
Usually this is the final act after trying every other possible solution to not see you pass them.
If you share your plans and intentions, they’ll demotivate you saying:
“Too late, everyone is doing it!”
“That’s not meant for you”
“That’s so wishful”
“It requires some qualities that you don’t have”
It’s just their habits and dirty tricks, don’t listen to them!
Why Do I Get Jealous?
Now you may also ask: why do i get jealous? and how to stop being jealous?
As we’re humans, naturally in life we all have expressed some jealousy feelings toward the others.
Maybe you have seen your friends get nice jobs, get lovely relationships, or they have great easy lives in general… there are so many factors on why we feel jealous…
Social media has made things easier, for that, we tend to compare each other more when seeing others photos, announcements and daily moments.
A result of comparing yourself to others is FOMO (fear of missing out). Concerns will arise that your life reality is worst, and you’re missing out on a lot of great moments.
Comparing yourself to others in fact will lead to jealousy (plus comparing your worst moments to the best of the others, is an unfair comparison metric).
Jealousy comes from our inferiority complex, everyone basically have it. If you think otherwise, that means the person you’re looking at is great at hiding it.
The feeling of inferiority is attached to us since we were kids, we all fought for our parents attention, we all felt jealousy and that’s completely natural, what’s not, is letting it gets into you!
3- Thinking & Feelings
Feelings are a serious factor to jealousy, when you think that you’re inadequate, that triggers emotions which activates jealousy. Even when you’re completely confident, jealousy will get you.
When you look throughout history, you’ll find religions talking about jealousy and how bad it can be. As long as there are humans, there is jealousy.
How to Stop Being Jealous?
1- Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Again social media can be toxic for you, if the only thing you do is scrolling and compare yourself, then, you need to stop asap.
Your life and journey is completely different to others, the environment surrounding everything is utterly different.
All you see in social media is people who actually made it to the top, and unintentionally you’re comparing your baby steps to someone who knows how to actually walk, there is a big gap. Instead, try to motivate yourself to achieve those things without being depressed and envious, because that won’t hold them back, but it will hold you!
2- Work on Your Mindset
If all you do is complain about your situation and envy others, that’s probably a red flag. Time is limited, you should not waste it on meaningless emotions.
Work on your mindset, as in this day and age, you have a big advantage which is the internet!
3- The Bigger Picture
NO ONE HAS A PERFECT LIFE. What you see on social media is not true, it’s the peak moment of that person’s life.
Social media is designed perfectly to make you the consumer addicted to instant gratification, that will for sure fail you and make you depressed on the longer run. It’s like eating junk food and momentarily enjoying it, but what happens after?
Rather than being focused on someone’s else life, focus on yours. Zoom out and see the bigger picture, you can do more than that!
4- Don’t Be a Judge
Life is not fair and it will never be, deal with it and accept it!
There is always people with an unfair advantage and a better situation than you, from appearance, wealth, and health to a better mindset, great work ethics, and a better social status.
Well, the difference is, the first unfair advantages are a work of nature, which you have no power over and you need to accept that. The second advantages, are simply the work of a diligent human, so focus on that and be peaceful with the things you can’t change.
5- Share Failures
The only way to success is failure.
A large percentage of us fail in life miserably and countless times without even hearing about it.
The majority of people wait till they become successful and by then, start telling stories on how they made it.
Failure nation is a website where you can share your daily, monthly or life struggles and failures. We’re making a community based site on failed experiences to show and emphasize on the other side of the story.