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9 Easy Ways on How Parents Can Ruin Their Children’s Future

9 Easy Ways on How Parents Can Ruin Their Children’s Future

Did you know that how you bring up your child may determine who they become in the future? Not only does parenting shape a person’s character, but it also determines the specific emotions and feelings that a person will have.

Humans are the only beings that can nurture their young ones to mold their personality and character. Our brains can be influenced by what we encounter in the early years of life as children.

That’s why we find it essential that what parents do to their children impacts what they become later in the future.

In my career, I have had the chance to work alongside children’s correction centers. One thing I realized, most parents were blaming themselves for how their children were turning out to be. So if you wonder if you’re bringing up your child in the right way, read through to know what harmful actions you do might ruin your child’s future.

In my stay with most children psychologists in different children avenues, I learned that unhealthy parenting contributes to bringing up a badly behaved child. These badly behaved children grow up to become spoilt adult members in the society that we all complain about being irresponsible adults. That’s why, as parents, we have a role to play in the future of our children.

So, what toxic traits do parents have that ruin their children’s future?

Failure to create quality time with the children

The early years of life were meant by nature for parents to bond and spend more time with their children. But as technology and modernization took part in our lives, modern parents don’t socialize and spend time with children anymore.

We find it easy to give our children phones, computers, or even television to stop crying and avoid tantrums. In the olden days, when a child cried, which meant they need the parent’s attention, the mother or father could calm them down and engage them. When they got the concern, it improved their psychological and emotional wellbeing.

But now, when we let them have other distractions to prevent them from crying, they don’t learn about bonding, and neither do they know how to relay their emotions. The children grow up bottling up their feelings and dealing with them in weird ways. Then we push them into becoming drug addicts or psychopaths this way. As a parent, try to create quality time with your children. You may achieve this by:

  • Let them cry on your shoulder and calm them off personally

  • Creating time for storytelling and having fun

  •  Ask them daily how their day was and remind them to tell you when they feel stressed

  • Always listen to them and offer guidance when they need help with their feelings

The above methods will help the children grow up knowing what to do at any point in their lives

If you don’t talk to your children, it may ruin their future

Children need the parents’ guidance to navigate various stages of growth. One time, I met a teen mom who got pregnant at fifteen years. Upon enquiring, it turned out that her stepfather was responsible for the pregnancy.

To add to the wonder, the mother didn’t know. I asked her why she didn’t tell her mother when the stepfather started messing with her. To my surprise, she absentmindedly told me, “I don’t speak to her.”  They stayed in the same house but rarely talked. So, when the step-dad started sexually approaching her, she told her peers, who told her it was okay if he offered her gifts.

So, what does this teach you? When we don’t talk to our children, they get advice from their peers. The peers don’t know much about anything. They may get help from the internet, which may sometimes mislead them, and other adults may take advantage of them.

If the children mess up, it may destroy their entire future. Some children get feelings of guilt, leading to more complications like drug abuse, depression, or even death.

To bring up a healthy child, you need to often talk to them and understand what goes on in their lives.

Thinking that money may replace your time and presence in your child’s life

Most parents have so much to do in this day and time, leaving very little time to spend with their children. As much as we don’t have time with our children, we feel that money helps sort out any issue relating to our parental duty. We find it easy to:

  • Pay a nanny to stay with the child rather than looking after them ourselves

  • Give our children money to go hang out with friends rather than spend the weekend with them

  • Work and get more money to live a luxurious life rather than stay home over the weekend with our children

  • Give out our credit cards to the children for them to buy whatever they want and leave us alone

When we let money replace all our essential roles, our children miss the most important connection. Exposing the kids, especially teenagers, may give them access to destructive products like drugs if they fall into bad company.

Children learn that money has more importance than relationships, and they may develop arrogance towards other people and a spendthrift nature. When a time comes, and the children have become adults, it may be hard to survive with less money, and they may lose it and even enter into depression without saying it. They don’t share their hardships since they never learned about creating relationships, and they end up being irresponsible adults.

Having very high expectations from our children

Did you know you may contribute to negative personalities in your child? Jealousy results from expecting too much from your child. If they don’t achieve your expectations, they may be jealous of other people who may reach them.

Sometimes as parents, we start planning our children’s paths even before they arrive in this world. We expect them to outdo us in their life choices and don’t let them realize themselves and follow their wishes.

In the long run, we create people who don’t feel content with who they are. We should let our children choose and decide on their fate to guide them to achieve their ambitions successfully.

When we interfere with this balance, the children may withdraw and defy our rules to get things done their way. We end up creating rebellious adults who think that every person seeks to control them.

At some point, teenagers choose to end their lives when they feel they have let their parents down. Others grow up feeling worthless, and it affects their self-esteem and confidence in life.

The children’s personalities develop as they weren’t supposed to form. If we need to bring up responsible and emotionally healthy individuals in our children, we should let them discover their fate and avoid imposing our expectations.

Being in a toxic parenting relationship

Abusive marriages and relationships bring up mentally disturbed children. As a parent, staying in a toxic relationship acts as a recipe for destroying your child’s future. Since ages immemorial, parents have had differences in opinions.

When parental differences lead to verbal or physical abuse, shouting, cursing, and discrimination of one parent or children in the family, it causes permanent.

“When you’re taught by a mentor, you’ll become the mentor”. Young children learn by listening and imitating what the adults do. So if the husband verbally and physically abuses the wife in front of their children, they may end up doing the same in the future. Among all things that may negatively impact your child, a toxic relationship with a partner, friends, or family has the most impact.

While working with the children’s correction centers, I met this boy who had witnessed his father murder his mother due to a toxic relationship. The child was mentally disturbed even after several counseling sessions. While in grade five, the boy pushed a foster sister down the stairs resulting in permanent brain damage after the fall. The state then brought the child into a correction center in California, where I happened to be volunteering.

If the boy had not experienced the toxic lifestyle with his parents, chances of turning out to be a better person could be high.

What children see and hear plays a big role in molding their future. As a parent, you should protect your child from any negativity in relationships. This way, they end up being physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy.

Making unhealthy comparisons

As parents, we tend to use the comparison technique to make our children work harder, especially in academics. What we don’t know, sometimes comparisons may be harmful. If we put up a lot of pressure on our children to become like other succeeding children in any category, we might negatively affect them.

A child who gets often compared with others feels unworthy, unappreciated, stressed, and sometimes depressed. The child may also develop feelings of jealousy towards others who seem more successful and feel unfulfilled.

The negative feelings attained during this period become part of the child and affect their confidence level even in the future. When we compare the children with their cousins, friends, brothers, sisters, or neighbors, they develop hatred.

The children will grow to feel that those other children were the reason they were not appreciated or loved. This reaction will affect their future relationships, with some damage being irreversible.

Comparing your child also makes them withdrawn, and they may fail to communicate their problems with you in the right way. Some cases like teenage pregnancies, teenage crime, and drug abuse arise from the feeling of being unworthy, not good enough, or unappreciated.

To save your child from these negative outcomes, you need to encourage them even when they don’t do well enough like other children. When you build a child’s confidence, they end up believing in themselves and turn out to be great adults.

The effects of comparing your child will contribute to a bitter adult who has made so many life mistakes to the extent of ruining their future.

Showing lack of trust in your child

Every child needs to feel trusted by their parents. To a child, trust equals love and leads to confidence. As much as our children need us to trust them, they expect to have a much higher level of trust in their parents.

We build trust in our children by:

  • Keeping the promises, we make to them

  • Always being there and saving them from a disaster

  • Providing basics needs to the plus other favors that come with parenting

  • Supporting them go through teenage challenges and provide guidance where needed

If we keep the above expectations from our children, they trust us as parents, and they will come to us in times of need.

On the contrary, if we violet these expectations from our children, they lose trust in us and may end up resenting us. This resentment will affect the parent-child relationship, and they may rely on their peers and other people who may harm them for advice and help.

If anything bad happens due to this lack of trust, it may destroy their lives and future forever. Lack of confidence within a child will implicate their future relationships, and they may easily lark trust in spouses, friends, or children.

Overprotection

In the 21st century, parents want to keep their children away from any harm than parents in other past centuries. Although the risks and dangers have tremendously increased, you will find parents very sensitive with whatever their children do.

This phenomenon has created a paranoid generation of parents, if I may say. It will be possible to spot:

  • A mother runs to take away her child from the garden, so they don’t injure themselves

  • A child gets denied to play outside, even in the backyard. The parent fears they may injure themselves or get kidnapped

  • Parents deny children the chance to play with neighboring kids in fear of kidnap, molestation, injuries, or contracting a cold

When we over-protect our children from a young age, they become vulnerable, weak, sensitive, and unstable. When they grow, life offers them challenges they will not withstand, and we will have ruined their future. Children who grow by committing mistakes and facing dangers and challenges become strong and courageous adults compared to the over-protected children.

Bribing your way to your child’s manners

It’s one thing to bring up a well-mannered and totally another thing to bribe your child into being responsible. Let’s say you have to promise a candy to your son so that he cleans up after playing with his toys.

For your daughter to treat people with respect, you have to promise to take them out on vacation. As a parent, you may argue that you will be motivating them to be well-mannered and respectful. But will that help?

What will happen when your children grow, and they need to be responsible on their own? You will not always be there, ready to reward them all through their lives. These instant gratifications will ruin your child because they will always expect a reward after doing well, contrary to how the world works.

Instead of offering instant gratification to your child, learn how to teach them good responsibility qualities and congratulate them on random good deeds. This way, responsibility, and good mannerisms will be their nature.

Final thought

As parents or guardians, we need to understand that avoiding the above-discussed causes that ruin a child’s future will move us on the right parenting path. Bringing up a good member of society takes a lot of learning, and this article equips you with some tips that, when avoided, will help in bringing up a responsible, confident, and emotionally stable adult.

Feel free to share some of the other things that you have experienced and think may ruin a child’s future in the comment section. A child with promising future guarantees us hope for great future parenting.    

Emotional neglect is a serious topic too, take a look at it!

How can I destroy my kids?

This article describes the various ways a parent may ruin their children’s future. The most destructive include being in a toxic relationship as a parent, comparison, and spending no time with them.

How do I ruin my child’s self-esteem?

Any action that degrades, and disrespects, or provokes a child works in lowering their self-esteem. According to this article, comparing your child lowers a child’s esteem the most when they start feeling unworthy.

What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child?

According to Ellen Perkins, telling a child, “I don’t love you,” or “you were a mistake” completely damages a child psychologically.

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