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Have you had to deal with jealous people recently, whether someone was jealous over your achievements or you being jealous over others? Whatever the case, jealousy can be a tricky beast, and handling it needs a lot of knowledge and understanding. It contributes to fear of sharing good news and affects our relationships in a great deal.
What are some signs of jealousy?
- Having family members comment in a wrong way about your life progress
- Feeling bad when your partner spends quality time with other people
- Getting nasty comments or looks upon your promotion at the workplace
- Your friend gets to feel bad when your love relationship seems to be working
The above scenarios form part of the jealous acts that will put us down once in a while. But jealousy often gets confused with envy. So, what is the difference between jealousy and envy?
Check our in detail article on the 9 Signs of Jealousy.
Let’s be clear: Jealousy vs Envy
“As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.”-Antisthenes
Envy may be reflected in wishing for something that someone else has, like wanting or hoping for the new set of couch our friend just bought. But then us wishing for it doesn’t make us feel less or relent in our life. We feel okay with our life, though we could hope to have such a couch as our friends.
On the contrary, jealousy goes way deep into the emotional part. The jealous people feel that their friend having a new couch set diminishes them or makes them less, and they feel unworthy.
This insecure feeling may make such people think that something has been taken from them by not owning what others have. Jealousy contributes to a higher level of negative emotions to a person as compared to envy.
What causes jealousy?
When someone feels insecure and inadequate, it spices up the feeling of jealousy. Will a person with confidence and life fulfillment feel jealous of other people’s achievements? The answer is pretty simple. No. so what causes these feelings of jealousy?
Un-acquired dreams and expectations
Sometimes people have dreams they wished to achieve since they were young. When they don’t accomplish these expectations, they feel unfulfilled and empty. When they see other people become what they always wanted, they feel their dreams were snatched from them. This tendency translates to feelings of jealousy manifesting in them.
Fear of losing
Sometimes when we fear losing our partners, family members, or jobs to other people, feelings of jealousy may crop up. This ability not to accept change, challenge, or other people’s decisions about our relationships trigger jealousy tendencies.
This situation happens mostly in romantic or sibling relationships. People with overprotective characters would be jealous of their partners, and close family made friends with a third party. They feel that the third party is taking the attention of these people away from them.
If you have never met an insecure person, it could help you know that insecurity is a significant cause of jealousy. Insecure people may create not only jealousy, but also toxicity in a relationship. Insecure people will always be on the lookout for people who draw interest in their loved ones. Jealousy comes in when they think these other people may replace them.
The psychology of jealousy
When trying to understand how jealous people operate, you need to understand their psychological push to jealousy acts. What things happen when people get jealous?
10 things you should know about the psychology of jealousy
-1 People will get jealous when they feel threatened- As seen above, people will get jealous after thinking that a third party threatens their work, friendship, or romantic relationships. This fear of being replaced in these relationships spike up jealousy in most people’s heads, resulting in jealousy feelings.
-2 The existence of underlying psychological problems may cause people extreme jealous feelings. Some psychological factors making some people more jealous than others include:
- Moodiness, anxiety, and depression
- Low self-esteem
- Possessiveness leading to insecurities
- Fear of being abandoned
- Anxious attachments
People that exhibit these kinds of feelings and conditions will be prone to jealousy than others without them. The emotions and situations will cloud their personality and lead to the jealous character being more pronounced.
-3 Our mental health defines the severity of our jealous conditions. If someone had undergone a bad experience earlier in life, it might contribute to unstable mental health. For instance, a man who had lost his mom in his teen years may become jealous if his girlfriend starts talking to another man. The fear of abandonment, when developed early in life, may contribute to jealousy in our later relationships.
-4 Jealousy has the potential to save a relationship. In many cases, people become jealous out of things that don’t exist. But if that jealousy comes as a wake-up call for a failing relationship, it may save the relationship altogether. Psychologists back up jealousy at such a time because bettering the situation ends up saving the relationship.
-5 Most of the time, jealousy ends relationships. Developing these insecure feelings towards a partner, friend, or family over something not real may cause strains in the relationships. The other people may feel not trusted, and they may end our relationships with them.
6- Jealousy leads to damaging and dangerous behaviors. When people get too jealous of their partners and friends, it leads to over-protectiveness. This overprotective character may cause the person to develop obsessive thoughts. This type of obsessive jealousy may cause jealous people to monitor their victim’s every move. This act becomes stalking of some sought and in the extremes may cause domestic violence.
7- Surprisingly, there exists no standard cure for jealousy. As the effects of jealousy ravish society, there exists no cure or treatment for this condition. We may have these emotions for the long run and fail to be in control of ourselves fully. However, adverse effects of jealousy may be avoided at young stages when we first face circumstances that may lead to jealousy in the future. These circumstances include:
- Loss of a loved one like a mother or father while still a child
- Traumatic child experiences like accidents that may prevent the achievement of childhood dreamsThe death of a close friend
- The feeling of being unloved and neglected as a child
These scenarios require the victims to:
- Train to practice mindfulness
- Challenging the negative thoughts
- Being honest
- Creating intimate conversations
8- Women may get jealous more often than men. Although the emotion does not choose gender, age, or location, women become more vulnerable. The ability of a woman to be more sensitive and in check with their emotions makes them susceptible to jealousy than men, who tend to be more in control. Women will be honest with their feelings making jealousy noticeable faster in them.
9- Most jealous cases happen when people feel the need to compare themselves with others. During this time, such people will do anything to feel superior and satisfy their insecurity. These insecurities may lead to people taking defensive or offensive approaches to prove their worth. We may then conclude those jealous people will not always be wrong. The method defines a jealous person.
10- Jealous people focus so much on other people’s progress. This attention to other people’s progress and the resulting toxic comments and reactions towards their success defines the jealous nature. To defend their focus on other people’s achievement, a jealous person may come up with thoughts like:
- “Oh, he just got lucky.”
- “Her success will soon vanish.”
- “Who does she think she is? I am better in several things so I am the best.”
Can a jealous person come to change?
In most cases, a jealous person never stops being jealous. If you happen to be the jealous one, you may find that this emotion transforms. This condition happens to other jealous people too. To help a jealous person, we need to act and sympathize with them and avoid acts that trigger jealousy.
By helping ourselves stay away from jealous guided acts towards us, we also support the jealous person. If our approach towards jealous people changes, then we will help them cope with themselves.
Let’s learn the various strategies for dealing with jealous people and if the tricks may help them positively, and what to do even when they don’t change.
What are the seven effective ways of dealing with jealous people?
According to our discussion on the psychology of jealousy, dealing with jealousy may be draining. The following tips will help you understand how to deal with jealous people. The recommendations will also help a person with a jealous personality in a positive way.
Smile every time a jealous person gives you a negative comment
As we have learned, some jealous people may develop dangerous behaviors like stalking and violence. To avoid this from happening to you, you should smile when you get a negative comment from a jealous person.
Negative comments serve as triggers for fights and the exchange of bitter words. This confrontation may turn violent. By smiling and letting go of the negative comment, a jealous person gets confused by your calmness, and most withdraw from negatively talking to you.
Stop engaging with them
If you notice jealous acts from a colleague, friend, and family member with whom you share your success stories, you should stop. By stop I mean, limit yourself from telling them your achievements.
Talking about your achievements often may turn even a good person jealous. Instead, listen to them more. Let the jealous person talk about their accomplishments and success and show happiness for their success stories.
Being interested and showing a jealous person you recognize them; surprisingly takes away the jealousness. Then you may practice enjoying your success in silence.
Face your tormentor in a mature way
Confronting a person with jealous tendencies on you works the trick sometimes. You need to find a perfect person when the person has relaxed and is in a good mood. Then bring out your concern in a good way, not blaming or accusing them.
Try to clarify how their acts may be affecting your relationship with the jealous person. If the person values the relationship you have, they will be touched by how mature you handled the situation and focus on changing for the best.
Surprise a jealous person randomly with kind deeds
Most people who have had it rough emotionally while growing may not know kindness. If you find that these jealous people will be on your list of friends and family, try being kind to them.
By randomly bringing gifts and presents to them, you may succeed in touching their hearts and smoldering the jealousy away.
Choose to leave and stop associating with them
Some jealous people get very upset by the least of your actions. If the jealousy has deep roots and the above measures don’t help neutralize the situation, you need to stay away from such people.
These mean acts from a jealous person will catch up with you and leave you mentally disturbed and drained. By avoiding talking about your personal and professional life, you will stay away from jealous family members.
If it’s a friend or romantic partner, you may consider not having them in your life and move on. Also, consider changing topics that lure a conversation to your personal life and keep general topics when talking. Being mentally stable comes first in all relationships.
Never compromise that for a jealous person to have their pleasure by tormenting you. Leave.
Avoid toxic relationships
When you find that the friend or partner you have constantly put you down and get jealous of your progress, it might be a red flag. If they continuously repeat their mean acts after trying to be good, then avoid being friends with them.
If it’s your partner, you might choose to stop being there to receive the negativity and end things. Instead, focus on people who appreciate you. Build on healthy relationships and let go of those relationships with numerous jealousy struggles.
Emphasize with jealous people
One trick that always works after we realize that we might be dealing with a jealous person has to be empathy. Some feelings of jealousy may be that the person has a rough patch in their life.
If a person gets jealous of your career, it might be because they don’t get lucky in their career path. The frustrations in another person’s marriage and family relationships might spike jealousy when they see you being happy on your own.
A barren woman might get jealous when they see you being happy with your children. That’s why we should show any person being jealous some empathy and avoid judging them harshly in the first instance.
Relationships need to be healthy and bring out joy and happiness in us. By practicing a few tricks provided in this article, you may turn around a jealous person and get to enjoy a healthy relationship. If it doesn’t work by trying to be a positive person, you may choose your happiness and quit the toxic relationship.
How do you know someone is jealous of you?
As we have learned from this article, a jealous person will make mean remarks whenever you announce an achievement or success in your life. Others will monitor you and prevent you from making new friends in fear of being left alone. Sometimes jealousy may cause violence in romantic relationships.
What causes a jealous personality?
Jealousy might be a result of losing loved ones early in someone’s life. Not accomplishing expected dreams and wishes may also spike up jealousy and the feeling of being unfulfilled.
What are the harmful effects of jealousy?
If it’s a family member jealous of you, they might talk badly about you. This reaction may end up spoiling your relationship as a family. If it’s a friend or romantic partner, it may bring an end to your relationship. Other jealous romantic partners turn to be stalkers or end up being violent. Jealousy may also temper your mental health.