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Finding faults in others is a serious problem! One of the easiest things for a human being to do is to judge a fellow human being. Humankind is inherently judgemental, but it becomes a concern when you cannot keep your judgments to yourself and take it upon yourself to fix others by pointing out their faults. You don’t realize that this habit is playing a major role in ruining your life. You don’t see it, but every time you point out faults in others, a part of you suffers too.
On the flip side, you can learn to avoid causing self-damage when you understand the price you might have to pay for being an outspoken judgemental human being. The price is mental, physical, and emotional loneliness. It is a well-known fact that your behavior can affect your physical health, too, and it is no secret how harmful loneliness is in today’s world.
Let’s make a list of the counter-affects of finding and pointing out faults in others:People choose to stay away from you and avoid you at all costs.
- Your most important relationships suffer.
- You create an environment of negative energy around you
- You curb your happiness
- Negative effects on your body due to your underlying negativity
We are all sensitive to specific ideas, things which are inculcated in us since our childhood. But the important thing to understand is how we control the urge to share our thoughts and disagreements on such ideas.
We all have our soft points, which, when triggered, can generate an explosive reaction, and often in our lives, we judge and analyze people through the lens of such soft points.
Different people get riled up due to different issues, and these vary from person to person. Some people can’t stand slow drivers cars in a fast lane; some can’t stand people playing music at full blast in a bus or a train. To be honest, every one of us has something which triggers us.
We have all seen/known that one person whose sole task in a group is to find fault in others. More often than not, this person is the unhappiest in the group. Now, this does not mean that they are not smart or lack knowledge.
On the contrary, sometimes, this person is someone who wields a lot of power and influence. Or they are someone with loads of experience and expertise, but their constant search for finding faults in others leads them down a path of negativity.
These people spend all their energy in finding something wrong in others or their plans. This nasty habit leads them down a path of misery. Also, since they are always finding faults in others, they cannot see the strengths that others may possess.
Reasons why your unhappiness is caused due to your finding faults in others
Fault finding may satisfy your Ego and Superiority complex, but the bubble will burst very soon
Like gossip, finding faults will give your ego a big boost, but you are again surrounded by your insecurities and sadness very soon.
Create a filter in your mind before you are about to pass a judgment on anyone. Is this required? Will it benefit anyone? What is my intention behind saying it? If the answer to any of these filters is a negative emotion, then stop yourself.
Fault Finding in others will put you in a depressive state of mind
Often when our focus is on finding faults in others, we slowly slide towards being unhappy and depressed. More we find wrong in others, our mind focuses on negativity, and they say negativity is the doorstep to depression and sadness.
Focus on yourself. Instead of trying to find faults in others, focus on your strengths and weaknesses. How can I further strengthen my strengths and improve my weaknesses? Another remedy is to be grateful for what you have instead of being jealous or demeaning to others. You have been blessed with many qualities and strengths, and you need to spend more time focusing on and building them instead of pulling others down.
Overcoming punitive childhood memories
We all have that one relative who spends all their time trying to find something wrong in everything you do. Unfortunately, sometimes this person could be your parent too. Their words and actions make a strong impression on your young mind, and often the resentment or anger you felt as a child stays with you. This resentment, critical comments, and anger can come out as you become equally judgemental and critical of others.
Someone has to break the chain of constant criticism. For sure, it can’t be them, so it has to be you. And you break the chain by first forgiving them. You cannot heal others unless your scars are healed. Forgiveness gives you closure and allows you to flush out all the anger and resentment you have in your heart. Once your heart is free of such negative emotions, you can then fill them up with positivity. More importantly, forgiveness is not for them, but it is for you to be free from the bondages that have held you back for so long.
It may be one of the hardest things you will ever do but trust me, if you can do this, it will set you on a path of self-discovery and growth that you could not have imagined. Try to think and remember the positive qualities of such relatives/parents. It will trigger a chain reaction where you can let go of your resentment and be less judgemental towards others.
Deepening your inner-insecurities
If you find yourself finding faults in others and pointing them out regularly, you should do some introspection. Usually, it is a sign of your struggles during your childhood which have come to the forefront now. Your insecurities take the form of judgments towards others.
There is an old saying. “You reflect what you have inside” Similarly, if you are insecure, then they come out as judgments towards others. In a sustained effort to avoid responsibility or difficulty accepting your mistakes in front of people you may have hurt, your judgemental and fault-finding attitude is often your downfall.
Insecurities are difficult to overcome, but there are ways to get rid of them. First and foremost, let’s start by identifying and mentioning positive in others. Appreciate little gestures of excellence and success. This will allow you to help others prosper and feel confident about themselves, and in turn, it will light the fire inside of you and accept your skills and strengths. Point out the greatness in others, and it will allow you to identify your greatness.
Often, it is very difficult to identify when our insecurities are overtaking our senses. Thus it may be a good idea to ask someone who knows you well and whom you would listen to point out during such times. It’s like while driving, it is so difficult to check the blind spot, but a little light in your side mirror helps you drive safer.
Seek help when you feel that you cannot identify the triggers. Apologizing is one of the hardest things to do, and we often find ways to avoid it. Find someone who will tell you when you are in a state of avoidance. It will help you cross the unseen barrier and apologize. A genuine apology has solved way more issues than you can ever imagine.
In conclusion, finding faults in others and pointing them out is very easy, but turning it around and introspect is hard. But it is not an instant reaction; it’s a process. And like in the very process, there would be days when you will do well, and there would be days that you will fail. But remember, keep going. Keep the vice of finding faults at bay, and you will be on your way to living a fulfilling life and spread the light of positivity all around.
So yeah! this is finding faults in others in a nutshell!